A friend who puts on brief theatrical sketches asked if I might write something he could use. Only, it had to start with "Bite your tongue" and end with "That's what you say !" So (after profuse apologies), I presented the following, (of course, he couldn't use it!).
START -
Howard and Amanda are an older, somewhat overweight not-too-attractive couple sitting up in a rumpled bed. She is dressed in a kind of Victoria's Secret leather outfit, and idly flails a riding crop. He has a black singlet and strap, but is mainly under the sheets, arms and legs tied to the bedposts.
Amanda: Bite your tongue.
Howard: Okay.
<cartilege crunchy sound>
Howard: Now how ken I thay th thafe word?
Amanda: You mean the safe word? The word that tells me when to stop?
Howard: Yeth.
Amanda: Do you want to stop?
Howard: I think tho.
Amanda: Then I need to hear the safe word.
Howard: Can't thay it.
Amanda: I'm gonna beat your bottom until you cry. (Proceeds to whack him on the heinie with the riding crop)
Howard: Thafe word!
Amanda: That's not the safe word. (whacks him some more)
Howard: Thafe word, thafe word, thafe word.
Amanda: Sorry. Won't do. I need the real safe word.
Howard: Can't thay it.
Amanda: Well, that's just too bad. (twists his nose)
Howard: Outh!
(Amanda twergles his ear)
Howard: Thuperthar!
Amanda: What?
Howard: Thafe word, thafe word, thafe word.
Amanda: (whispering in his ear) Now, remember, we agreed that the safe word would be "SuperStar"
Howard: Thuperthar!
Amanda: What? (whacks him again on the heinie)
Howard: Thuperthar! Thuperthar! Thuperthar!
(Amanda continues whacking)
Amanda: (pausing, mutters) Just gibberish, that's all. (continues whacking)
That's what you say !
- END -